I made a big mistake in the post I made yesterday. For that, I am apologizing and correcting it. I always say that I hate children. The reason why I hate children is because they can pull on the heart strings more than adults and I think that can create a lot more problems than it can help. Everyone says the future is in the children's hands... but how do you expect them to live up to the expectation without guidance from the elder generations? Here is where I made a mistake...
I painted a picture of black and white, and then realized I did this and tried correcting it by posting two small paragraphs at the end about Daisy and Santo not being bad people. The fact is, I can paint this picture in whatever way I want and make Samuel the bad guy, Daisy the bad guy, or Santo the bad guy. This oversimplification of these stories is the exact fuel for the war in Northern Uganda. So... here is my correction, making everyone a bad guy and everyone a good guy...
Daisy does manuel labor all day. Picking dried corn from the cob (a task I got three blisters from doing for an hour), doing laundry (a task I got another few blisters from, and overall exhaustion), cooking (without hot pads and on a charcoal hand made stove with no ventalation), cleaning, and picking food from the garden. All of this she does without sitting down, she is constantly standing and doing heavy and difficult labor. When Santo comes home, she works even harder to get him food right away, to get him tea, to wash his hands, to wash his shoes, to pamper him. Santo sits on the couch acting like he worked harder than Daisy all because he sat in an office and got paid to do so. All of this money goes to his 15+ children's tuition. Daisy has been taken by the LRA, she has had three miscarraiges, and has been outcasted because she is Santo's second wife. She has gone through more than anyone who has not been in her shoes can imagine, yet she still has room in her heart for love. She has pictures of all her children and has such love and admiration for them. She would die for them, and almost did when the soldiers entered her house. She risked her life for Santo and her children by not telling the soldiers where he was. She was tied up with her 7 children walking to what seemed like her death. She hid Robbin from them until they heard him crying. She takes care of her son Robin, and nurtures him. She sings him to sleep, comforts him from his night terrors, and shows him the motherly love Santo is too busy to give him. She teaches him English, she helps him with homework, she helps him with his clothes. She loves Robin, and she loves me as well. She works tirelessly to provide a good nurturing environment for me. She teaches me to cook, clean, do laundry, all with such patience. Meanwhile Santo comes home and talks about his day and his idealistic views on life that seem more preachy and self-ritious than they do real. He does not let me ask questions or even speak, he just talks at me and everyone just looks at him with admiration while they are washing his hands... See, now Santo is the bad guy, and Daisy is the good guy.
I already made Daisy the bad guy last night, so let's make Santo the good guy...
Santo's first wife died a long time ago. She was the love of his life, and I still cannot figure out how she died. He had some children with her (I still don't know how many because it is very confusing family history, when I find out, maybe this blog will too). During the war, he walked back and forth from Kampala to Gulu in the nighttime 4 times, 1 of which he was carrying luggage on his head and a child on his back (If you don't know the distance you should look it up on a map, it is crazy... it took us 5 hours to drive). He walked in the night so he would not get killed by soldiers. He walked 1 time with his family to take them to shelter in Kampala. The other three times were trips back and forth from the fields of Gulu to bring his family food in Kampala. He walked each time with so much weight, and for so long, and without sleep. As most men ran, Santo stayed with his large family and provided for them. He then went to work for the Human Rights Watch and continued to use his big heart even after his wife died, his children were taken by the LRA (one of which he still hasn't seen), and his sister (Samuel's mother) dissapeared. He then took in Samuel to his home when he was literally skin and bone and about to die. He began paying for Samuel's schooling until an organiztion could help pay (even though he already has more than 9 tuitions to pay). He now works for the Acholi Institute and helps preserve the Acholi culuture. He is dedicated to justice, equality, and family. His main concern in life is making enough money to support his family.
See... Santo and Daisy are great people who have suffered so much. Samuel is also a great kid with a heartbreaking story.... but Daisy and Santo's stories are also heartbreaking, but since they are adults, they are not as heartbreaking. Everyone here needs help rebuilding. Without people like Santo and Daisy, Samuel would be dead. In order to help rebuild, we cannot think of these issues as black and white, or good and bad... We are all smarter than that. These people deserve better. So... I am sorry for falling into the exact trap I hate. I hope that anyone who is reading can see my family is good people who deserve all the love and support in the world. Thinking of Daisy or Santo as "bad", will not and never will help Samuel. In order to really help Samuel and other children like him, one needs to work on helping his supports, which in this case are Santo and Daisy. They too have grief. Psycho-social support is immensely needed in this region.
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